tiramisupapillon

The Connection Between Love & Forgiveness

2011-11-30T23:26:00.004+05:30

A life without forgiveness is a life half-lived. There’s not one person on this planet that doesn’t have something or someone they need to forgive. When we hold these things inside ourselves, our life doesn’t flow. But, here’s the trick: we think because we hold a grudge in one area (like a business deal gone bad) we think it doesn’t affect our love life. Once you are wounded in any area of life (business, childhood, relationships, etc) it creates a block in our energy and our ability to attract to us the things we want. It also affects our ability to fully experience joy and abundance in our lives. When you look to see where you haven’t forgiven, go beyond your relationships, go to every area of your life.

So, then HOW do we forgive?

“The first step is to hold the intention to have the courage to look at these things. Because often when we look at these things it brings up a lot of self-judgment. It requires that we look through kind and healing eyes. Once you see an area where, perhaps you had responsibility, treat yourself with the same degree of love and compassion that you would give a friend. If you feel stuck, just start by free form writing the answer to this question ‘what do I need to forgive?’

Often we don’t want to look at these things because it brings up a memory of lost possibilities. Things we believe would have happened, could have happened or should have happened, had not this injustice been done to us.

Even more important than forgiving another, it’s urgent to forgive ourselves. Somehow we believe that we need to confront another individual to gain the relief we are looking for from these judgments. Your capacity to experience joy and success is in direct correlation with your ability to forgive yourself and others.

Who or what will you forgive today?

http://thedailylove.com/

Avalokiteshvara- Buddha of Compassion

2011-11-18T01:12:00.003+05:30

Mantra of Avalokiteshvara

Namo Ratna Trayaya, Namo Arya Jnana Sagara, Vairochana, Byuhara Jara Tathagataya, Arahate, Samyaksam Buddhaya, Namo Sarwa Tathagate Bhyay, Arhata Bhyah, Samyaksam Buddhe Bhyah, Namo Arya Avalokite shoraya Bodhisattvaya, Maha Sattvaya, Maha Karunikaya, Tadyata, Om Dara Dara, Diri Diri, Duru Duru Itte We, Itte Chale Chale, Purachale Purachale, Kusume Kusuma Wa Re, Ili Milli, Chiti Jvalam, Apanaye Shoha

Interpreted as Homage to the jewels of spiritual refuge, to the ocean of perfect wisdom, all-illuminating one, gone beyond, foe destroyer, completely perfected Buddha, Homage to all those gone beyond, foe-destroyers and perfect Buddhas, Homage to Avalokitesvara, Bodhisattva, Mahasattva, lord of great compassion........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOFRlvrRb_o

The Call

2011-10-24T18:05:00.002+05:30

I have heard it all my life,
A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper.
Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep.
There's no safety in that!
Remember what you are and let this knowing
take you home to the Beloved with every breath.
Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing
colour the shape of your humanness.
There is no where to go. What you are looking for is right here.
Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.
There is no waiting for something to happen,
no point in the future to get to.
All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.
You are wearing yourself out with all this searching.
Come home and rest.
How much longer can you live like this?
Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying.
Give it up!
Let yourself be one of the God-mad,
faithful only to the Beauty you are.
Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close,
dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.
Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being.
When it finds you, give your life to it. Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.
Spend yourself completely on the saying.
Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.

www.oriahmountaindreamer.com

Nature..and grace.

2011-08-04T23:08:00.002+05:30

The nuns taught us there were two ways through life - the way of nature and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow.

Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things.

Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. The nuns taught us that no one who loves the way of grace ever comes to a bad end. I will be true to you. Whatever comes..

The only way to be happy is to love. Unless you love, your life will flash by.

-The Tree of Life

Love Redeems

2011-07-26T11:47:00.002+05:30

I believe that the world was created and approved by love that it subsists, coheres, and endures by love, and that, insofar as it is redeemable, it can be redeemed only by love.” -Wendell Berry

Love saves us. Although this line of thinking is usually reserved for religious parables, the truth of life bears out that love is the singular source that enlightens, inspires and guides us to the very best of our selves. Ask anyone who has had a brush with death what their final moments were filled with, and it becomes clear that life’s most meaningful reckoning happens in our capacity to give and receive love.

Most of us don’t see the love that is coming towards us in the same way that we often don’t recognize the transformative power of our own loving touch. Getting out of our head and learning to listen through our heart is the well-trodden path of those fortunate in love. As I see it, following the path of relaxing, releasing and reconciling will bring you to a new way of seeing your relationships, feeling the love that is around you and making daily choices to grow the heart of your life. Enhancing your capacity to love is how you will measure your success in life.

Relax

The biggest life-changing relaxation method you can cultivate in your loving relationships is developing the capacity to let things be as they are. This starts within us: When we embrace ourselves with all of our imperfections, we have an internal barometer and capacity to offer this grace to the people we love. Probably the single most destructive force in relationships is the tension that builds when you demand your relationship to be what you think it should be, rather than learning to love what it is. There are millions of ways that this non-acceptance plays itself out in every relationship. It always begins within us.

Release

There might not be another word in the English language that evokes as much opening, tenderness and possibility as release. On an emotional level, the ability to let go is the essence from which real intimacy is made. Our human longing to hold onto those we love must mature if it is to survive into emotional release. The experience of release is found in all of the tiny, daily acts of forgiveness that being in a loving relationship demands. It grows in the trust that offers both partners the encouragement and freedom to follow one’s own heart without the fear of abandoning someone else or being abandoned. Developing the courage to let go and release is the way to peace in our selves and in our relationships.

Reconcile

It begins with our selves, this capacity for reconciliation. It is impossible to forgive other people’s trespasses against us when we hold ourselves hostage to our own past mistakes. In fact this endless source of self-recrimination is the fuel for our need to be right and vindicated in relationships. We demand that the world demonstrate a respect for us that we often don’t hold for ourselves and one that usually cannot even be fulfilled. Coming to terms with ourselves: our beauty, our confusion, our missteps and our best intentions is the ground of our thoughts. The degree to which we live in harmony with our own weaknesses and mistakes exists in direct proportion to our capacity to live with those of others.

Love does not fail us; we fail to see our own loveliness and the love coming towards us over and over again. Study the way of loving and commit yourself to relaxing, releasing and reconciling as the way of redemption. It is the only Promised Land waiting for us all.

Take Heart

2011-07-26T09:34:00.001+05:30

No heaven can come to us unless
our hearts find rest in it today.
Take Heaven.

No peace lies in the future which
is not hidden in this present instant.
Take Peace.

The gloom of the world is but a shadow;
behind it, yet, within our reach, is joy.
Take Joy.

And so, I greet you, with the prayer
that for you, now and forever,
the day breaks and the shadows flee away.

—Fra Giovanni

The Road Not Taken

2011-05-23T23:04:00.006+05:30

A few 'experiences' on a relatively, balanced out Monday, trigger me to pause a moment and reflect. My eidetic memory of circumstances, choices, decisions, a confetti of emotions, manage to catch me at the least unexpected of times. It has always been, well, amusing, undescribable, gut-wrenching, complex. I do not know whether I shall ever manage to tell it as it is.. tell it the way it is, for me..

Here's a poem that resonates..

And somewhere, just as it is, in the last stanza.. I would hope to find solace in the fact that it shall be told, heard and understood.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

-Robert Frost

If, for once

2011-04-14T02:25:00.000+05:30

If, for once.
You would admonish your own pain,
You’d put it aside, to see how it is an attempt in vain
To take notice of the small precious moments it refrains
The anguish it caused and causes all – in disdain

If, for once,
You would recognize that your child has been harmed
Would have come to you when confused and unarmed
Who’d have looked up to you for guidance & care
Nurturance, support and comfort to be there

If, for once,
This could happen, then we might understand
That what we seek is a protective loving hand
That all suffering has a reason
And sometimes a season

If, for once,
You might see how we all are affected
How life paths are all interconnected
And to ensure that karmic energy is absolved
Not carried forward, empathetically resolved

If, for once,
To reflect how conflict takes from life,
Our natural life force that is all encompassing
To operate from our inherent goodness
To forgive and redeem ourselves

Maybe, then
Relief in the aftermath of severe tribulation
A moment of connection, a sign of compassion,
From the natural joys and highs that flow
Like a babbling brook or an afterglow

Maybe, then
This beautiful life would seem light
Our hopes and aspiration might seem right
Our dreams would be ones to look forward to
To know that this life journey was worth it all the while

Everyone mistakes the limits of their vision for the limits of the world.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer~* - The Invitation

2011-04-03T14:48:00.001+05:30

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com

Oriah Mountain Dreamer~* - The Dance

2011-04-03T14:47:00.003+05:30

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don't jump up and shout, "Yes, this is what I want! Let's do it!"
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiralling down into the ache within the ache.
And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don't tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall,
to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul's desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs you want our children's children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle
not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don't say, "Yes!"
Just take my hand and dance with me.

http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com

I Like For You To Be Still by Pablo Neruda

2011-03-25T15:05:00.003+05:30

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you
Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
One word then, One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true

Mirrors

2011-01-28T20:21:00.004+05:30

mirrors that serve us
mirrors that deserve us,
mirrors that conserve us
and unnerve us

mirrors that break
mirrors that remake
mirrors that partake,
sometimes opaque

in our sorrow and delight
witness every plight
that render insight
at blue hours of twilight

mirrors in vain
mirrors in pain
mirrors that notice
our loss and our gain

mirrors when we wondered
mirrors we loathed
mirrors we pondered
when we clothed and unclothed

mirrors on the inside
mirrors between
some on the outside
some seen and unseen

mirrors within mirrors
a mirror, you are too
some for exploration
and some, an inner view..

Again

2011-01-28T20:18:00.001+05:30

Of night and day
And night again

Of love
Inspite of love again

It flows in my veins
As respite again

Of night and day
And night again

tira mi su..

2011-01-19T11:28:00.000+05:30

http://tiramisu.co.in/

Gratitude

2011-01-18T14:24:00.001+05:30

Turning 33 and grateful for all the precious gifts & countless blessings that have come my way..

For the numerous lessons learnt, re-learnt and learning
For the awareness that life is a learning curve, ever evolving
For the ability to appreciate the minutiae of each day
For spiritual guides and divine intervention
For compassion, love and kindness that encompasses all

For the strength to pick up the pieces, cradle, nurture and carry on
For speedy recovery and miraculous healing
For forgiveness and the ability to trust
For silver linings and eternal optimism
For connections and chance meetings

For eyes of wonder and curiosity of a child
For inner wisdom when all seems to fail
For the ability to seek, reflect and introspect
For suffering, for it has brought about integrity, courage and conviction
For each sensory organ that makes me feel 'alive'

Thank you. Universe.

When The Trees Sing

2010-12-04T13:08:00.000+05:30

When the trees sing,
It doesn't really matter
If you know the song,
Or if you know the words,
Or even if you know the tune.
What really matters is knowing
That the trees are singing at all.

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

2010-12-04T13:05:00.003+05:30

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

(Sent to me by my wonderful friend- Kaizad Cassad)

Exploring Our Womanhood Through Love

2010-12-04T12:49:00.005+05:30

In Marc Gafni's book, Soul Prints, he talks about each of us having an individual spiritual signature or "soul print." Our soul print is as unique to each of us in the realm of the spirit as our finger print is in the physical world. If we can discover our soul print, Gafni says, we are better able to experience profound connections to ourselves, to others and to God. Marc Gafni's words speak to me. I believe that, embedded in each of us is the summons, the yearning to be our truest, richest self, to explore our womanhood as deeply and as passionately as we possibly can, to. We hear a lot these days about writing our own scripts and being heroines of our own stories. And yet for most of us, at this moment in our lives, the process of discovering our soul prints (or stories), of learning to listen to our soul's voice instead of our personality or ego is an entirely new way of mapping the exploration of our womanhood. I believe it's a map worth following no matter how arduous, surprising, overwhelming, mysterious, glorious, tragic, whimsical and often laughable our exploration turns out to be.

I wish this exploration process wasn't so new. I wish it was an old familiar process like baking my grandmother's recipe for sugar cookies or nursing a baby or knowing when to reach out and embrace a loved one so that it would be (I'll admit it) easy -- something I could schedule into my day like jogging or a yoga class. I wish I could say that twenty, even ten years ago I became aware of my soul print, discovered my story and immediately began to live it, enabling me to write this from a wise and fully actualized perspective. Please! No way. Like most of us, I've just begun to work through the personal baggage and the patterns of behavior keeping me from soul discovery. My use of the word "work" is a good indicator of how I can quickly become clueless about how to find my way back to my soul print, the map to my own story. I still get caught in that familiar trap of thinking I can take control and improve my own life not to mention the lives of those I care about like my children. I forget that, as independent manifestations of God's love, children are to be protected and nourished, physically, mentally and spiritually, but never commanded.

I still set ridiculous deadlines for myself requiring that I operate off of an adrenaline high (usually accompanied by not a little anxiety) so I can show the world what? That I can do it all? That I can have it all? That if I can't have it all, I can have enough? I forget that I have within me an inner place of calm and wholeness from which to create that which has infinite value; that which is timeless; that which expresses my soul's voice, the only truth I have to offer. I still become depressed about wrinkles, bags under my eyes, cellulite, chronic illness, occasional aches and pains, memory loss, menopause, empty nest syndrome (although it's four years away) and my insatiable craving for Milky Ways. I forget that, at any time, in any place I have the freedom and the power to be "in the moment," breathe deeply and freely, filling myself with light and laughter. I still act from fear, forgetting that by experiencing the resonance of my inner knowing, learning to discern and trust my inner voice, I can act from love.

For love is the one sure way I know back to my soul print, as Gafni calls it, and the exploration of my own womanhood. For me it's not through genealogy, organized religion, therapy, revisited childhood experiences or amassed adult accomplishments that I am able to explore who I am with courage and compassion. It's through love. I'll give you an example. It was through love for my daughters that I began to write prayers for them in 1995 when they were 12 and 8. As I drew upon that love day after day, feeling and resonating with its warmth and light and expressing that resonance through words, I began to feel, for the first time, love for myself as the adolescent I was, and as the adult I am. Since then, through the website, books, workshops, school activities and continuous writing of prayers, I have learned that the better I can give and receive love, the better I am able to receive the souls and the stories of other women and girls. And it is during those times of connection that I discern for a moment, however ephemeral, the joy of knowing the presence of God within. I don't need to tell you that these moments have been the high points in my exploration. I have come to believe that the only times we know the depth of happiness we all long for, is not when we pursue happiness as a goal in itself, but when we experience it as a byproduct of the love we feel.

In another wonderful book, The Feminine Face of God, the Unfolding of the Sacred in Women, by Sherry Ruth Anderson and Patricia Hopkins, it says that a critical part of a woman's exploration into her self and spiritual development is a willingness not to know where she is going. The miracle that, step by step, comes out of that trust is a sense of wholeness experienced through love. If we are truly going to explore our womanhood, we must begin to trust the unknown, the reality of the moment, the exploration process. The miracle that comes with our trust is we are led to the essence of who we are. We discover our soul print. We live our stories.

In my second book of poems, More Prayers On My Pillow, there is a chapter entitled " I Am Love - I Am Me." Here is an example:

May I awake
With heartfelt joy
Greeting the day
With a song of my Soul
Filled with confidence
That I can be
One with my world
My body and mind are
Connected to Spirit.
My senses awake
To nature's beauty
My world will be
God's garden
Wherever I go
Whomever I meet
Whatever I do
If I live this day with love.

Copyright 2001, Celia Straus

My Meanderings Into The Unknown And Back Into the Known-1

2009-05-07T17:37:00.012+05:30

The Raid-de- Himalaya is a rally that is an annual affair. It is one the world's highest and toughest motoring rallies that covers an altitude of 18,000 ft above sea level.
I participated as an official in 2006 and on the way, was fortunate to click a few pictures. This one was my first trip (I plan to make this a regular annual trip) to the Himalayas and apart from tough terrains, cold temperature, high altitudes, crazy anecdotes, I experienced something that I'd never before. Breaking mindsets, broadening my horizons, losing my fears, challenging myself, reinforcing my beliefs, learning the basics once again. I was in God's own land. The magnitude, the beauty, the spirituality of the place, overwhelms you; it intimidates you, teaches you to be humble, to be simple, to have faith in nature and in creation.
Here are some of the pictures, mainly smiling faces, some in the face of war, conflict, insecure futures.. whereas some, ignorant of it all; leading a blissful life, void of wants, ambition and selfishness.

This is also where I realised the joy and interest of taking pictures for the first time. So its close to my heart, thank you Ladakh, thank you nature, thank you destiny.

Martini Mixed Musings..

2009-04-20T21:50:00.005+05:30

Juxtaposed.. I pose .. in my repose.. and I impose.. feeling exposed.. I pose.. again.. more eloquently posing.. the juxtapositon of my disposition.
Is there anything sweeter than this? The mere abandonement of being exposed.. all to my disposal.

Utter rubbish.
(I know :) But, its true to me, you see)

Oblong..exterior..rectangular, multidimensional.
Multi-faceted.. I hear, I hear you, so what?

I'm in my zone.
What's that, you ask?
Haa.. Hahahah.. Haa!

Alcohol? It's an easy escape.

Beyond that.. I know.
But do I want you to know me, hear me?

I ask..
I ask again.. and ha-ha, once again.
Well ask-it may add meaning..to your existence.. (and maybe mine) *revised

Does it add to mine? *previous
Umm..I'm beyond that, maybe not.. yet, I indulge, exuberate in my mere existence, of this moment. In my mirth, in my jest, in my 'knowingness', in my 'no-thingness'. In the obsolete, in the obscure, in the knowledge, the zest.. that I have, that I endure, that I accept.. I surrender to it.
(more crushed ice required in that martini, I think.)

One more cigarette smoked into oblivion..into yet another eternal moment.

Sip, sip, I say- hue of magenta illuminated woodwork, I see. I see..hues of purple, blue, true :)
Nurse, cajole and caress that last one. You know you can make it up that hill.. again. :)

Kōan

2009-03-30T16:04:00.001+05:30

A kōan is a story, dialogue, question, or statement in the history and lore of Chán (Zen) Buddhism, generally containing aspects that are inaccessible to rational understanding, yet may be accessible to intuition.

A famous kōan is: "Two hands clap and there is a sound; what is the sound of one hand?"

Kōans originate in the sayings and doings of sages and legendary figures, usually those authorized to teach in a lineage that regards Bodhidharma (c. 5th-6th century) as its ancestor. Kōans are said to reflect the enlightened or awakened state of such persons, and sometimes said to confound the habit of discursive thought or shock the mind into awareness. Zen teachers often recite and comment on kōans, and some Zen practitioners concentrate on kōans during meditation. Teachers may probe such students about their kōan practice using "checking questions" to validate an experience of insight (kensho) or awakening. Responses by students have included actions or gestures, "capping phrases" (jakugo), and verses inspired by the kōan.

As used by teachers, monks, and students in training, kōan can refer to a story selected from sutras and historical records, a perplexing element of the story, a concise but critical word or phrase extracted from the story, or to the story appended by poetry and commentary authored by later Zen teachers, sometimes layering commentary upon commentary.

English-speaking non-Zen practitioners sometimes use kōan to refer to an unanswerable question or a meaningless statement. However, in Zen practice, a kōan is not meaningless, and teachers often do expect students to present an appropriate response when asked about a kōan.

Even so, a kōan is not a riddle or a puzzle.
Appropriate responses to a kōan may vary according to circumstances; different teachers may demand different responses to a given kōan, and a fixed answer cannot be correct in every circumstance.

One of the most common recorded comments by a teacher on a disciple's answer is: "Even though that is true, if you do not know it yourself it does you no good."

The master is looking not for an answer in a specific form, but for evidence that the disciple has actually grasped the state of mind expressed by the kōan itself.

Thus, though there may be so-called "traditional answers" (kenjo) to many kōans, these are only preserved as exemplary answers given in the past by various masters during their own training. In reality, any answer could be correct, provided that it conveys proof of personal realization.

Kōan training can only be done with a qualified teacher who has the "eye" to see a disciple's depth of attainment.

A kōan or part of a kōan may serve as a point of concentration during meditation and other activities, often called "kōan practice" (as distinct from "kōan study", the study of kōan literature).

The purpose of kōans is for a Zen practitioner to become aware of the difference between themselves, their mind, and their beliefs that influence how they see the world as an aspect of realizing their True nature. Paradoxes tend to arouse the mind for an extended duration as the mind goes around and around trying to resolve the paradox or kōan to an "answer". This is a lot like a dog chasing its tail and, while it's chasing, the mind makes itself more visible. Once a Zen practitioner becomes aware of their mind as an independent form, the kōan makes sense and the teaching point is realized.

Zen teachers and practitioners insist that the meaning of a kōan can only be demonstrated in a live experience (after all, only you can witness your own mind and realize its nature).

Teachers have long alerted students to the danger of confusing the interpretation of a kōan with the realization of a kōan. When teachers say "do not confuse the pointing finger with the moon", they indicate that awakening is the realization of your True nature — not ability to interpret a kōan with the mind.

No amount of interpretation seems to be able to exhaust a kōan, so it's unlikely that there can be a "definitive" interpretation. Teachers typically warn against over-intellectualizing kōans, but the mysteries of kōans compel some students to place them in their original context — for example, by clarifying metaphors that were likely well-known to monks at the time the kōans originally circulated.

Other traditional kōans

Killing the Buddha
If you meet the Buddha, kill him.
— Linji

If you are thinking about Buddha, this is thinking and delusion, not awakening. One must destroy preconceptions of the Buddha.

"Kill the Buddha if the Buddha exists somewhere else. Kill the Buddha, because you should resume your own Buddha nature."

The sound of one hand
Two hands clap and there is a sound. What is the sound of one hand?
— Hakuin Ekaku
"...in the beginning a monk first thinks a kōan is an inert object upon which to focus attention; after a long period of consecutive repetition, one realizes that the kōan is also a dynamic activity, the very activity of seeking an answer to the kōan. The kōan is both the object being sought and the relentless seeking itself.
In a kōan, the self sees the self not directly but under the guise of the kōan...When one realizes ("makes real") this identity, then two hands have become one.
The practitioner becomes the kōan that he or she is trying to understand. That is the sound of one hand."

Humorous parodies of famous kōans such as:

“‘Does a dog have Buddha nature or not?’ ‘Woof’”.

“If you have ice cream I will give you some. If you have no ice cream I will take it away from you.”

(all excerpts out here have been edited from wikipedia)

Where Do The Children Play?

2009-02-21T11:38:00.002+05:30

Well I think it's fine, building jumbo planes.
Or taking a ride on a cosmic train.
Switch on summer from a slot machine.
Get what you want to if you want, 'cause you can get anything.

I know we've come a long way,
We're changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?

Well you roll on roads over fresh green grass.
For your lorryloads pumping petrol gas.
And you make them long, and you make them tough.
But they just go on and on, and it seems you can't get off.

Oh, I know we've come a long way,
We're changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?

When you crack the sky, scrapers fill the air.
Will you keep on building higher
'til there's no more room up there?
Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?
Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?

I know we've come a long way,
We're changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?

-Cat Stevens

Stream of Life by Rabindranath Tagore

2008-10-15T00:59:00.000+05:30

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment

2008-09-08T11:51:00.005+05:30

A person's ethics are known through
spending a long time with that person
and through not being inattentive.
A person's fortitude is known
through the way that person handles adversity
A person's wisdom is known over a long time
through discussing with that person matters of importance

Meditation on Equanimity

2008-09-08T11:39:00.002+05:30

I have been hurt by what took place
The experience has left its pain and its wounds
There has been an anguish and distress over past events
I am not ready to forgive because of what happened
I cannot turn around my emotions that easily
Yet I do not want burning up inside
That means that the past still dominates my present
So let me try to get on with my life today
Let me develop equanimity to what was in order to keep steady with what is
There is no reason to place pressure on myself to forgive
But I will keep the intention to move on from the past
To maximise my contact with the present
In time, I may come to forgive as a way of transcending the situation
It will show that events no longer have control over my life
Then equanimity leading to forgiveness, if necessary, shows a true freedom of the heart.

Once? Twice? Thrice?

2008-08-18T13:43:00.003+05:30

How often do we come across true love in ONE lifetime?
Once? Twice? Thrice… in ONE lifetime? How often does this happen?

What is true love?

For me, I think its falling in love with the intricacies of everyday life. The minutiae of delicate details. The regular pattern that one falls into and seeks solace. The acceptance that indeed, I can rest and fall back really just rest my tired soul. The stillness.
I think its when I made cucumber and cheese sandwiches for his lunch. I do remember wrapping them in aluminium carefully and hoping that he relished them. Even though he didn’t.. and ordered something else.
It was waiting for him to return back home after a long day at work even though I desperately counted the hours that were the longer than they seemed.
I ran to him and gave him a bear hug.. And listened to him narrate the happenings of his day with a soft smile radiating on my face, although I’d had a tormenting day. A day, wondering why I was there, what I was going to do-for the rest of my life… all those big questions.
It was waiting for him …looking outside the window for the sound of a car, a doorbell. Looking forward to the few hours we would spend together before he’d fall off to sleep..but the reassurance and comfort of sleeping on his strong shoulder was by far more satisfying for me to care. The knowledge that he cared for me was something I’d relax into and allow myself to appreciate and exist with- pushing aside and undermining all my fears.

So how often do these beautiful moments happen in ONE lifetime? How many times more will I have the opportunity to make cucumber and cheese sandwiches? To appreciate and experience that stillness? To rest on a strong shoulder? To wait for a doorbell and sit at the dinner table beaming from cheek to cheek?

Because every minute, moment was worth the while…

Life's about..

2008-08-10T13:00:00.007+05:30

.. celebrating, loving, sharing and laughing out loud.
..listening to a close friend pour her out over a relationship that ended and feeling the tears brimming at the surface.
..reaching out with a warm embrace, a loving hand that conveys 'i'm there'
..relaxing into a quiet space and letting the daily activity come to a standstill.
..watching the world whizz by yet smiling at the inner stillness.
..trying out all the new flavours of gelato and throwing all caution to the wind.
..knowing that eventually we all come around full circle and we're not here to make a point.
..allowing emotions to surface, expressing them with freedom and not fearing that people will run away.
..that we are precious, loved and lovable just the way we are.

ANKHIYON KE JHAROKHON SE..

2008-08-09T16:07:00.003+05:30

I found this song after a very very long time, which I love so much..
Its about a woman who is deeply in love, vulnerable, innocent, simple and full of humility for her love, grateful. She has some fears.. but then, has a stronger intricate belief.
Its almost devotional.. but then again, those are feelings of an indian woman. I realised at the core, an indian woman is so full of love, a giver . Thats why there are so many customs and rituals and prayers for men. Men are their gods, their protectors. An indian woman is almost fragile and delicate in essence. (of course she is strong too)

(It's in Hindi and I've attempted to interpret/translate it into English)

Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se Maine Dekha Jo Saanware
From the windows/eyelashes of my eyes..when I saw you, my love..
Tum Door Nazar Aaye Badi Door Nazar Aaye
you seemed so far way..very far away...

Band Karke Jharokhon Ko Zara Baithee Jo Sochne
When I closed the windows/eyelashes and sat to think/ponder..
Mann Mein Tumhi Muskaye Man Mein Tumhi Muskaye
I saw you smiling/warming in my heart/mind, I saw only ( the only thing that was imp) you smiling..

Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se ..

Ek Mann Tha Mere Paas Woh Ab Khone Laga Hai
I had only one mind/being.. but now it seems, I am losing that..
Paakar Tujhe Hai Mujhe Kuchh Hone Laga Hai
(After meeting you)..sigh, somethin's happening to me.. (there's been a change)

Ek Tere Bharose Pe Sab Baithee Hoon Bhool Ke
On your faith/trust..I'm sitting(ready to) forget everything else (the sorrows/past)
Yoon Hi Umar Guzar Jaye Tere Saath Guzar Jaye
Let life/age just pass/transgress just like that, let life progess/evolve with you..

Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se..

Jeeti Hoon Tujhe Dekh Ke Marti Hoon Tumhi Pe
I live looking at you, I die for you..
Tum Ho Jahan Saajan Meri Duniya Hai Wahin Pe
Wherever you are my love, my world is right there..

Din Raat Dua Maange Mera Man Tere Waaste
Day n night, my heart asks for your blessings/your well-being ..
Kabhi Apni Ummeedon Ka Kahin Phool Na Murjhaye
Let not the flower/bud of our hopes/dreams wither away..

Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se

Main Jab Se Tere Pyar Ke Rangon Mein Rangi Hoon
Since the time I've been coloured in the colour of your love..
Jaagte Hue Soi Nahin Neendon Mein Jagi Hoon
In awakening, I haven't slept..in sleep, I've been awake..

Mere Pyar Bhare Sapne Kahin Koi Na Chheen Le
My love-filled dreams.. that someone/something might not snatch away..
Man Soch Ke Ghabraye Yahi Soch Ke Ghabraye
My mind/heart shudders .. (when i think of this) it shudders..

To My Child

2008-08-07T13:40:00.003+05:30

I happened to receive this and wanted to share-

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them..

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that
I will thank God for you, and ask for nothing, except one more day...

When Under Ether

2008-07-17T00:40:00.002+05:30

The ceiling is moving
Moving in time
Like a conveyor-belt
Above my eyes

When under ether
The mind comes alive
But conscious of nothing
But the will to survive

I lay on the bed
Waist-down undressed
Look up at the ceiling
Feeling happiness

The woman beside me
Is holding my hand
I point at the ceiling
She smiles so kind

Something's inside me
Unborn and unblessed
Disappears in the ether
This world to the next
Disappears in the ether
One world to the next

Silence

2008-07-17T00:19:00.001+05:30

All those places
Where I recall the memories
that grip me,
and pin me down.

I go to these places
intending to think,
And think of nothing,
But anticipate.

And somehow,
expect you'll find me there,
That, by some miracle,
You'd be aware.

I'd risen this morning
Intending to break the spell
my longing not to think

I freed myself from my family
I freed myself from work
I freed myself
Freed myself
And remained alone

And in my thinking
I'd steal you away
though you never wanted me anyway

The Hill

2008-06-01T22:04:00.001+05:30

Walking up the hill tonight
And you have closed your eyes.
I wish I didn't have to make
All those mistakes and be wise.
Please try to be patient
And know that I'm still learning.
I'm sorry that you have to see
The strength inside me burning.

Where are you my angel now
Don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
But you can't say I'm not trying.
I'm on my knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see me.
But all his troubles on his mind
He's looking right through me.
And I'm letting myself down
Beside this fire in you.
And I wish that you could see
I have my troubles too.

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I love.
I'm sittin' here weeping
While the hours pass so slow.
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go.
And you'll be just a man
Once I used to know.
And for these past few days
Someone I don't recognise.
This isn't all my fault
When will you realise.

Looking at you leaving,
I'm looking for a sign.

Morning Song

2008-05-27T17:47:00.000+05:30

Last night I saw a ghost
He seemed familiar to me
I welcomed him
With open arms
He said my name
And laid me down
Awoke the dreams still sleeping in my bones

You are my precious ghost
I close my eyes to see
I've touched you once again
You spent the night with me

Guilty were our pleasures
Nameless was our crime
Come back my forbidden ghost
One more time

You must leave i understand
So tell your lie to me
How in the morning everything will be alright
Yeah, but to get to the morning first you have to get through the night

The Elusive Moon.. and its accomplices.

2008-05-07T01:26:00.000+05:30

We are like kids trying to catch the moon. It looks
big with the naked eyes. So romantic. So real
sometimes! We cant touch it. Its too far. We cant even
catch the air. Its metaphysical in the concept. We get
dust most of the time.

Gurjeff used to say that people shouldnt dream. Dreams
bring stars and stars bring illusions. The old man was
so right decades ago.

Words are sick. They need healing. Rumi say.' Tongue u
have treasure in u or u r full of garbage..."

God bless the people who heal themselves...

Posted by Rafique Sayed
------

the moon is elusive.. hence its alluring.
if we capture everything, its going to lose its charm.
let the moon be.. just like we all need to just be.
the romance is there.. kids dont know better (or do they?)
hence they look at it with gaping wonder. the adult 'knows' better.. hence, he has lost the adulation of the moment.

dont rob a person of his/her dreams.. sometimes thats all they have.

the tongue is an artful piece of work ;)
that transcends our thoughts ..sometimes even into action.

healing oneself comes from knowing , awareness and the plain 'want' of doing so.

Posted by Abhigya.
-----

There's a Moon Inside My Body
The moon shines in my body, but my blind eyes cannot see it:
The moon is within me, and so is the sun.
The unstruck drum of Eternity is sounded within me; but my deaf ears cannot hear it.

So long as man clamours for the I and the Mine, his works are as naught:
When all love of the I and the Mine is dead, then the work of the Lord is done.
For work has no other aim than the getting of knowledge:
When that comes, then work is put away.

The flower blooms for the fruit: when the fruit comes, the flower withers.
The musk is in the deer, but it seeks it not within itself: it wanders in quest of grass.

- Kabir

Posted by Kaizad Cassad
-----

October 08, 2006

In A Manner Of Speaking

2008-04-06T23:57:00.000+05:30

In a Manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing

In a manner of speaking
I don't understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way that i feel about you
Is beyond words

Give me the words
That tell me nothing

Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won't do
In this life that we live we only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrificed

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That just like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing.

≈

2008-04-06T11:28:00.004+05:30

today is all i have. i haven't a damnedest idea of what might follow tomorrow and even if i had the faintest, would i really want to know...?

what do i need today.. might change tomorrow..so then is it really important to me to want it so much right now?

Simply Heartfelt Treasures Experienced Innocently

2008-03-09T13:26:00.000+05:30

Rejoicing in the simplest of pleasures
Feeling the freshness of a babbling brook
The emerging ripples of exuberance
Radiating from the oasis of my inner core
I watch with delight
Not knowing yet growing..

Connecting and rebonding
Feeling light and abundant
Looking forward to the unknown
Surrendering to overwhelming emotions
Submerging myself in entirety
Not fearful but fearless
No trepidation anymore..

2008-02-15T21:36:00.000+05:30

snaggle pop drumble drop
bumble wumble flaggity flop
diggity dig miggity midge
coppy cop cop
lollipop stop
chuggity chug chug
tanglesome tug tug
riff raff rigmarole
smelly skunk in a stole..

2008-02-13T13:28:00.000+05:30

The world as a merry-go-round
Spinning in my topsy-turvy head
Accusing me of delirium-Doesn't it 'feel' right? WHY doesn't it feel right?
When the lover clips the wings of eternal pleasantries
Brimming in abundance to fall ..
To fall yet once again through a darkening abyss
Am I gifted? Am I demented?
Am I just one more lost soul
Searching for my identity amongst a tumultuous ocean of millions..

On 'Taare Zameen Par'

2007-12-26T10:53:00.000+05:30

"Its great that you do alot of painting BUT when will my child learn to spell?''
After 5 yrs of being a teacher and first hand experiences with specially gifted children, there are no words by which I can start to even describe what this movie brings to me. I'm beaming from cheek to cheek with the contentment that someone went ahead and made such a sensitive film.

What do our children need? Dont we all need a little bit of compassion in a world full of so many contradictions?

I'm also very pleased to see a growth in awareness and insight that the audience has projected towards it. They actually sat through to the end of the credits :)

Kaleidoscopical Incantations

2007-12-09T16:15:00.001+05:30

Dilly-dallying rose red bush,
basking in the snow,
an eclipse of my heart
surveillance into the unknown.
Wanderings of an insane mind
milkyways left behind,
a smattering of stars imprinted into realms beyond control.
Wonderings of enchantment,
lullabies bubbling at the brook of endearments,
stardust exploding into reality,
a whimsical relief of virtuosity,
heartfelt gratitude bordering on disbelief,
faithful inability mocking aeons of history..

..a haystack of pins and needles,
a spoonful of residue,
three quarters of my soul ,
chattering in the wind of solidarity.
An annoying unexplained familiarity,
vengeance of history beckoning my peaceful presence,
gnawing the intrinsic ropes of confusion.
A disarray of dilapidation,
battling and restlessly conjuring up a storm,
engulfing the very beacons of resolve
betraying the tranquility so resolutely once promised.

Back to Blogging

2007-07-20T12:56:00.000+05:30

After a long hiatus, I'm back to blogging.
Here are some of my ealier entries. Indeed, I was quite nostalgic reading them again and so I've posted them here to start with. Hopefully, I 'll discipline myself to post more.

Reminiscing Repose

2007-07-20T02:10:00.000+05:30

The theme of 'Taxi Driver' always transports me to another realm ..of something sublime, surreal..somewhere.
This is just one of the tracks playing on my 'subconsciously put together' playlist.

Its been raining.. drizzle to heavy, thunder to pitter -patter; its misty, green lush. All of this and the dim light inspire me, at the same time make me reminisce.. Of times forgotten, of smiles, of long drives, of walks in the rain, of inner peace, of times of gratitude, more songs from another time.. more reminiscing.

It takes me back in time , to puddles, to showing off our shiny wellington boots, usually yellow or red.
Funny how jumping the puddle then seemed like a challenge, an adventure..now it seems like a big 'icky' mess.

Of times, where I'd look forward to going to the terrace, wet my face, inhale the earth..I still want to, but its a fleeting thought.
Proactive inhibition? I'll call it that for now.

Strangely so, Lionel Ritchie's 'Stuck on You' plays.. and did, around this time, a couple of years ago. It still has the same effect. More reminiscing..

So here, infront of me this misty haze..with my sharpened eyebrows, my eyes blur with nostalgia, a tad wistful, a bit eager to know what follows.. a tandem of slides, sometimes whizzing by, sometimes in slow motion, sometimes spiraling upwards and fading into dust, at others, crumbling to the ground- I sit here and exist..

6th July, 2006

Does Any Man really Understand You ?

2007-07-20T02:03:00.000+05:30

Who knows you as you really are? Does he?
Who knows the secret hopes that warm your heart?
Who knows the dreams you dream, the words you’ve left unspoken?
Who knows the black-lace thoughts you think while shopping in a gingham frock?
Who knows you sometimes long to sleep in pure-silk sheets?
Who knows you’d love to meet a man who’d hold your hand and listen while you say nothing at all?
Who knows there was a morning when your orange juice sparkled like champagne?
Who knows the secret, siren side of you that’s female as a silken cat?
.. A trifle shy, but oh-so warm.. and just a little reckless, deep inside.. as strange and unexpected as cherries in the snow.

Life's All Ha-ha Hee-hee!

2007-07-20T01:58:00.000+05:30

Have I had one crazy week!
Believe it or not, I dont think it gets any crazier..I slept for 2 hours today, late evening..Have a dull bodyache due to 'something in the air'. Cant sleep, hence time to blog!

Last Saturday, I was in Bangalore, after leaving the desigh studio, I wanted to get my laptop serviced.(I still have Monster's Ball stuck in it, ever since my last blog on the review of it) Hence, my loquacious driver decided to take me to the Apple service centre, only to discover that is was closed on a saturday. This catastrophe, after being stuck in ominous traffic for over an hour and half.
I was quite stressed,had 3 hours to flightime, hence, took off to the Leela ( the best spa in a hotel in India) had a Grey Goose vodka with Red Bull and plonked myself between plush cushions in a baroque style bar environment.
I think I dosed off, for when I sat at right angle again, I saw 2 men from Oz, in shorts, grinning at me.. Cheers!
Well, after a quiet drink or two, I went to the Spa to get a synchronised Ayurvedic Oil Massage. ( Meaning two women slobbering you with oil.. up and down.. criss- cross.. sideways.. whichever way!)
Ah.. oil-freed and relieved, I headed for the Aiprport with my sing-song driver.. and 'spaced out' that I was, by then, I obliged him with some common South Indian sing-song jargon.

Back in Ahmedabad, the next day, I decided to go donate blood. (I'd got an urgent call in B'lore, urgent requirement for the recent flood vicitms) I love to do a good deed, ideal day being Sunday to do so. So, I got there with my driver.. urging him to also contribute. Alas! He was underweight but he had good intentions.
After the initial flinching, squeamishness and racquet (that I always create), I succumbed to giving up 400 ml and watched it sway in the machine.
Feeling like the cats whiskers, I got upto to leave; I hardly made it to the doorway, when I started to feel dizzy.
I expressed my state of affairs to the doctor and she advised me to lie down. Well, before I reached the reclining chair, I experienced an odd sensation..
.....My recollection being of someone screaming and someone plummeting a hard object into my head (Im wondering what wrong I've done!)
I woke up to bluebirds twittering around my head in symphony and some really concerned looking faces surrounding me.
Now though I realised where I was, I ha no idea what had happend. I was looking around for the attacker.. who'd mugged me with an iron object in the streets! I was told to not talk ( which is a mammoth task) and was told what'd actually happend, a blood pressure instrument was strapped on, given a glass of glucose water. Ouch! the head hurt, the dizzyness returned..but in no time it was replaced by embarassment and a fit of laughter!!
Hence, an eventful time atthe bloodbank and 2 hours of a siesta followed.. my natural glowing complexion began to return by evening.

The next day, I had a flight to Delhi, that I rescheduled to evening due to the unexpected 'bump of the head'.
Once you hit your head, I tell you.. things are not what they seem. As you shall discover as follows..

30th Aug, 2006.

Unravel

2007-07-20T01:35:00.000+05:30

While you are away.. my heart comes undone...slowly unravels...in a ball of yarn.. the devil collects it with a grin... our love.. in a ball of yarn...he'll never return it..when you come back.. we'll have to make new love..when you come back.. we'll have to make new love.

March 28, 2007

Life unto death..

2007-07-20T01:23:00.001+05:30

Today.. I decided to take a conscious decision.. to just 'be'

Nothing like being deliciously lazy.. and not feeling guilty about it. I felt it was well earned and satisfying.
I'd decided to call over friends and do dress trials in the evening, open a bottle of wine to celebrate.. well, just being!
Strangely, today was also a day where I heard about the birth of a friends baby boy.. simultaneously, came to know a friends mother passed away.
The entire concept of birth and death in one day.. got me thinking.
Birth symbolises creation.. does death necessarily mean the end, or is it just a comma that takes one to another dimension?
In the evening, I went to art exhibition, the theme being the 'Female Hero'.
The female.. a hero..coz she is a nurturer, a creator.
I feel a woman should retain her feminine traits.. not give them up.. or compete with a man. I notice women around hardening, hardening as they feel the need to live in a mans world.
Its slightly sad, as perhaps, a woman feels that she has to be strong, not show her vulnerability.
A woman's vulnerability can be her strength too. Sometimes being emotional is considered weak..being emotionally sensitive according to me is a strength. It take courage to express ones true feelings.. to emote. Be it man or woman.
We live this life once.. and I feel we should atleast try and live it as honestly as we can. set our own ideals. be honest to ourselves.

October 01, 2006

Appreciate This Very Moment

2007-07-20T01:18:00.000+05:30

Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be stricken blind..
Hear the music of voices, the song of the bird, the mighty strains of an orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf tomorrow. Touch each object as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail. Smell the perfume of the flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and taste again.
Make the most of every sense; glory in all the facets of pleasure and beauty which the world reveals to you.

-Helen Keller

October 05, 2006

Relaxing Radiant Repose Resolutions

2007-07-20T01:02:00.000+05:30

Making time to do what I used to do, seems easier said than done. Its been a while since I sat down not just to go through letters, memorabilia, scribblings, spend hours doing but to also read, paint, reflect -Doing what I once upon a time found very nourishing.
I used to read alot, sketch incessantly, write down things that caught my fancy.. lines, quotations, sayings, thought processes.
Now I feel, I try to store them inside an already 'bursting to the brim' mind. How much can the mind accomodate..after all its just information. How much can it let go? If it were tired of all the junk, does it have selective filtering? Does it drain out the negative memories and retain the ones that are healthy and favourable?
Well, all said and done, I would like to do the things that once made me ponder, notice and take me a step or two back, to just absorb. Life seems to move to fast at times and it is entirely our choice to decide whether we want to or not.

I suppose, presently, theres alot going on, but in time, I shall. This, I consider, the first move in that direction. :))

October 07, 2006

Unknowingly

2007-07-20T00:02:00.000+05:30

The correspondence. The anecdotes. The humour. The simplicity.
The desire. The exchange. The eagerness. The commonality.
The sharing. The figuring out. The attraction.
The familiarity. The mockery. The teasing. The laugh. The chuckle.

The invitation. The possibility. The anticipation.
The urge. The desire. The spontaneity. The adventure.
The craziness. The exuberance. The eagerness..
The hesitation overruled by eagerness.

The meeting point. The awkwardness. The smiles. The flippancy.
The nonchalance followed by silence. The attraction.
The familiarity. The exchange. The pleasantries.
The lethargy but the eagerness. The sleep deprivation but the eagerness.

The tad unfamiliarity overruled by familiarity.
The intrinsic. The humour.
The standstill. The moment. The very moment. The breath. The heartbeat.
The blood rushing to the head. The accelerating beat..
The skipped beat.

The bond. The sacredness. The jubilation. The oneness. The ONENESS.
The sleep. The safety. The feeling of coming home.

The electricity. The chemistry. The unknown. The known.
The lethargy. The eagerness. The attraction.
The hunger. The thirst. The eagerness.
The exchange.
The familiarity.

The meal. The glance. The exchange. The smiles.
The mockery. The humour. The attraction.
The connection. The warmth. The oneness.
The schedule.

The next day. The warmth. The oneness. The affectionate displays.
The shy ness. The surprise. The humour.
The mock argument. The mock disagreement. The understanding.
The negotiation.
The oneness.
The ONENESS.

The insanity. The exhilaration. The mischief. Oh, the mischief!
The look. The chemistry. The smile. The understanding.
The glance. The eagerness. The intoxication. The oneness.
The silence. The sacredness. The satisfaction. The contentment,
The glow. The aftermath of it. The smile. The satisfaction.
The exuberance. The alive ness.

The observation. The humour. The oneness.
The teasing. The teasing back. The oneness.
The adventure. The chemistry. The glance. The smile. The understanding.
The song. The other song. THE song. The dance. The final song.
The oneness.

The realization. The departure. The silence. The observation.
The smile. The understanding. The questioning look. The silence. The smile.
The silence. The surprise. The oneness.
The ONENESS. The heartbeat. The skipping of a beat.
The aftermath.
The oneness. The bliss. The ecstasy. The warmth. The crescendo.
The exultation. The possession. The intoxication. The aftermath.
The heartbeat. The silence.
The time. The slight trepidation. The silence.
The sudden eagerness. The want. The oneness.

The farewell. The final embrace. The final jest.

An eternity..into the unknown.

December 12, 2006