Back to Blogging

After a long hiatus, I'm back to blogging.
Here are some of my ealier entries. Indeed, I was quite nostalgic reading them again and so I've posted them here to start with. Hopefully, I 'll discipline myself to post more.

Reminiscing Repose

The theme of 'Taxi Driver' always transports me to another realm ..of something sublime, surreal..somewhere.
This is just one of the tracks playing on my 'subconsciously put together' playlist.

Its been raining.. drizzle to heavy, thunder to pitter -patter; its misty, green lush. All of this and the dim light inspire me, at the same time make me reminisce.. Of times forgotten, of smiles, of long drives, of walks in the rain, of inner peace, of times of gratitude, more songs from another time.. more reminiscing.

It takes me back in time , to puddles, to showing off our shiny wellington boots, usually yellow or red.
Funny how jumping the puddle then seemed like a challenge, an adventure..now it seems like a big 'icky' mess.

Of times, where I'd look forward to going to the terrace, wet my face, inhale the earth..I still want to, but its a fleeting thought.
Proactive inhibition? I'll call it that for now.

Strangely so, Lionel Ritchie's 'Stuck on You' plays.. and did, around this time, a couple of years ago. It still has the same effect. More reminiscing..

So here, infront of me this misty haze..with my sharpened eyebrows, my eyes blur with nostalgia, a tad wistful, a bit eager to know what follows.. a tandem of slides, sometimes whizzing by, sometimes in slow motion, sometimes spiraling upwards and fading into dust, at others, crumbling to the ground- I sit here and exist..

6th July, 2006

Does Any Man really Understand You ?

Who knows you as you really are? Does he?
Who knows the secret hopes that warm your heart?
Who knows the dreams you dream, the words you’ve left unspoken?
Who knows the black-lace thoughts you think while shopping in a gingham frock?
Who knows you sometimes long to sleep in pure-silk sheets?
Who knows you’d love to meet a man who’d hold your hand and listen while you say nothing at all?
Who knows there was a morning when your orange juice sparkled like champagne?
Who knows the secret, siren side of you that’s female as a silken cat?
.. A trifle shy, but oh-so warm.. and just a little reckless, deep inside.. as strange and unexpected as cherries in the snow.

Life's All Ha-ha Hee-hee!

Have I had one crazy week!
Believe it or not, I dont think it gets any crazier..I slept for 2 hours today, late evening..Have a dull bodyache due to 'something in the air'. Cant sleep, hence time to blog!

Last Saturday, I was in Bangalore, after leaving the desigh studio, I wanted to get my laptop serviced.(I still have Monster's Ball stuck in it, ever since my last blog on the review of it) Hence, my loquacious driver decided to take me to the Apple service centre, only to discover that is was closed on a saturday. This catastrophe, after being stuck in ominous traffic for over an hour and half.
I was quite stressed,had 3 hours to flightime, hence, took off to the Leela ( the best spa in a hotel in India) had a Grey Goose vodka with Red Bull and plonked myself between plush cushions in a baroque style bar environment.
I think I dosed off, for when I sat at right angle again, I saw 2 men from Oz, in shorts, grinning at me.. Cheers!
Well, after a quiet drink or two, I went to the Spa to get a synchronised Ayurvedic Oil Massage. ( Meaning two women slobbering you with oil.. up and down.. criss- cross.. sideways.. whichever way!)
Ah.. oil-freed and relieved, I headed for the Aiprport with my sing-song driver.. and 'spaced out' that I was, by then, I obliged him with some common South Indian sing-song jargon.

Back in Ahmedabad, the next day, I decided to go donate blood. (I'd got an urgent call in B'lore, urgent requirement for the recent flood vicitms) I love to do a good deed, ideal day being Sunday to do so. So, I got there with my driver.. urging him to also contribute. Alas! He was underweight but he had good intentions.
After the initial flinching, squeamishness and racquet (that I always create), I succumbed to giving up 400 ml and watched it sway in the machine.
Feeling like the cats whiskers, I got upto to leave; I hardly made it to the doorway, when I started to feel dizzy.
I expressed my state of affairs to the doctor and she advised me to lie down. Well, before I reached the reclining chair, I experienced an odd sensation..
.....My recollection being of someone screaming and someone plummeting a hard object into my head (Im wondering what wrong I've done!)
I woke up to bluebirds twittering around my head in symphony and some really concerned looking faces surrounding me.
Now though I realised where I was, I ha no idea what had happend. I was looking around for the attacker.. who'd mugged me with an iron object in the streets! I was told to not talk ( which is a mammoth task) and was told what'd actually happend, a blood pressure instrument was strapped on, given a glass of glucose water. Ouch! the head hurt, the dizzyness returned..but in no time it was replaced by embarassment and a fit of laughter!!
Hence, an eventful time atthe bloodbank and 2 hours of a siesta followed.. my natural glowing complexion began to return by evening.

The next day, I had a flight to Delhi, that I rescheduled to evening due to the unexpected 'bump of the head'.
Once you hit your head, I tell you.. things are not what they seem. As you shall discover as follows..

30th Aug, 2006.

Unravel

While you are away.. my heart comes undone...slowly unravels...in a ball of yarn.. the devil collects it with a grin... our love.. in a ball of yarn...he'll never return it..when you come back.. we'll have to make new love..when you come back.. we'll have to make new love.

March 28, 2007

Life unto death..

Today.. I decided to take a conscious decision.. to just 'be'

Nothing like being deliciously lazy.. and not feeling guilty about it. I felt it was well earned and satisfying.
I'd decided to call over friends and do dress trials in the evening, open a bottle of wine to celebrate.. well, just being!
Strangely, today was also a day where I heard about the birth of a friends baby boy.. simultaneously, came to know a friends mother passed away.
The entire concept of birth and death in one day.. got me thinking.
Birth symbolises creation.. does death necessarily mean the end, or is it just a comma that takes one to another dimension?
In the evening, I went to art exhibition, the theme being the 'Female Hero'.
The female.. a hero..coz she is a nurturer, a creator.
I feel a woman should retain her feminine traits.. not give them up.. or compete with a man. I notice women around hardening, hardening as they feel the need to live in a mans world.
Its slightly sad, as perhaps, a woman feels that she has to be strong, not show her vulnerability.
A woman's vulnerability can be her strength too. Sometimes being emotional is considered weak..being emotionally sensitive according to me is a strength. It take courage to express ones true feelings.. to emote. Be it man or woman.
We live this life once.. and I feel we should atleast try and live it as honestly as we can. set our own ideals. be honest to ourselves.

October 01, 2006

Appreciate This Very Moment

Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be stricken blind..
Hear the music of voices, the song of the bird, the mighty strains of an orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf tomorrow. Touch each object as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail. Smell the perfume of the flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and taste again.
Make the most of every sense; glory in all the facets of pleasure and beauty which the world reveals to you.

-Helen Keller

October 05, 2006

Relaxing Radiant Repose Resolutions

Making time to do what I used to do, seems easier said than done. Its been a while since I sat down not just to go through letters, memorabilia, scribblings, spend hours doing but to also read, paint, reflect -Doing what I once upon a time found very nourishing.
I used to read alot, sketch incessantly, write down things that caught my fancy.. lines, quotations, sayings, thought processes.
Now I feel, I try to store them inside an already 'bursting to the brim' mind. How much can the mind accomodate..after all its just information. How much can it let go? If it were tired of all the junk, does it have selective filtering? Does it drain out the negative memories and retain the ones that are healthy and favourable?
Well, all said and done, I would like to do the things that once made me ponder, notice and take me a step or two back, to just absorb. Life seems to move to fast at times and it is entirely our choice to decide whether we want to or not.

I suppose, presently, theres alot going on, but in time, I shall. This, I consider, the first move in that direction. :))

October 07, 2006

Unknowingly

The correspondence. The anecdotes. The humour. The simplicity.
The desire. The exchange. The eagerness. The commonality.
The sharing. The figuring out. The attraction.
The familiarity. The mockery. The teasing. The laugh. The chuckle.

The invitation. The possibility. The anticipation.
The urge. The desire. The spontaneity. The adventure.
The craziness. The exuberance. The eagerness..
The hesitation overruled by eagerness.

The meeting point. The awkwardness. The smiles. The flippancy.
The nonchalance followed by silence. The attraction.
The familiarity. The exchange. The pleasantries.
The lethargy but the eagerness. The sleep deprivation but the eagerness.

The tad unfamiliarity overruled by familiarity.
The intrinsic. The humour.
The standstill. The moment. The very moment. The breath. The heartbeat.
The blood rushing to the head. The accelerating beat..
The skipped beat.

The bond. The sacredness. The jubilation. The oneness. The ONENESS.
The sleep. The safety. The feeling of coming home.

The electricity. The chemistry. The unknown. The known.
The lethargy. The eagerness. The attraction.
The hunger. The thirst. The eagerness.
The exchange.
The familiarity.

The meal. The glance. The exchange. The smiles.
The mockery. The humour. The attraction.
The connection. The warmth. The oneness.
The schedule.

The next day. The warmth. The oneness. The affectionate displays.
The shy ness. The surprise. The humour.
The mock argument. The mock disagreement. The understanding.
The negotiation.
The oneness.
The ONENESS.

The insanity. The exhilaration. The mischief. Oh, the mischief!
The look. The chemistry. The smile. The understanding.
The glance. The eagerness. The intoxication. The oneness.
The silence. The sacredness. The satisfaction. The contentment,
The glow. The aftermath of it. The smile. The satisfaction.
The exuberance. The alive ness.

The observation. The humour. The oneness.
The teasing. The teasing back. The oneness.
The adventure. The chemistry. The glance. The smile. The understanding.
The song. The other song. THE song. The dance. The final song.
The oneness.

The realization. The departure. The silence. The observation.
The smile. The understanding. The questioning look. The silence. The smile.
The silence. The surprise. The oneness.
The ONENESS. The heartbeat. The skipping of a beat.
The aftermath.
The oneness. The bliss. The ecstasy. The warmth. The crescendo.
The exultation. The possession. The intoxication. The aftermath.
The heartbeat. The silence.
The time. The slight trepidation. The silence.
The sudden eagerness. The want. The oneness.

The farewell. The final embrace. The final jest.

An eternity..into the unknown.

December 12, 2006